I've decided that getting older is going to be ok. Being a womanly type, the menopause thing has been quite a marker in the last few years. I mean, you have your period and all that goes along with it for 40 something years, and then, it's over. It started very dramatically on a specific day when I was 13, and then kind of vaguely fizzled out sometime in the past year. It leaves you feeling strange- kind of in limbo. And along with that, there's a feeling of loss and resistance: I want to stay young and fertile and beautiful, to be having fun and accomplishing things, to be interesting and energetic! I don't to be old and unattractive and irrelevant!
But, it's not that bad, I've decided. I still love all the things I've always loved- my family and friends, music and art, nature and good books. And, as time goes by, the pressure is lessening- I am more willing to give up the stage. That's what I was holding onto- I didn't want to stop being noticed. But it's the next generation's turn for the limelight- my kids are accomplishing great things; it's my turn to cheer for them and be happy for them and admire their beauty.
I've had my chance- and now I'm heading into a new era. And I'm kind of excited, now that I'm at peace with the idea of not being young anymore. It's new terrain- I love new things.
With age comes introspection and an appreciation for what you have, as opposed to a a longing for what you think you need when you're younger. I don't need things as I get older- I need relationships. I feel myself wanting to turn to more spiritual things, to polish away my tarnished spots and love other people better. Because in the end, that's all that really matters, as the Beatles say.
So, happy birthday, me. It's going to be 70 degrees today- let's go take a long walk someplace beautiful with some people we really love.
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