So, I have this fear of cancer. Big Al calls it irrational, but I think it's perfectly rational when people all around me are getting it, and sometimes dying from it. It's become my go-to diagnosis, and the internet doesn't help.
For instance, I have been having a pain in my right hip. It started when I was in Japan a couple of months ago, walking approximately 75 miles a day. I had a sharp pain in my right hip joint- I thought maybe I had pulled something, and that once I got back to my normal life it would go away. But it didn't. It comes and goes, and is usually worse at night. So, I do what any sane person would do when they are having trouble sleeping because they're pretty sure they have cancer: I google the symptoms so the internet can tell me it's something much less scary and life threatening.
The problem with this is that no matter what combination of symptoms I put in, the top three diagnoses I get back are 1.) Bursitis, 2.) Arthritis, 3.) Hip cancer.
So, then I lie in bed and imagine the worst. I mean, a friend of mine just died last week from cancer, exactly my age. It's just a matter of time before it's my turn. I now have a 33% definite chance that I have cancer. I haven't gone so far as to google what happens to you when you have hip cancer- I don't want to scare myself that badly.
A couple of weeks ago I was at a friend's house, sitting by her pool, catching up. The conversation went something like this:
Me: So, I haven't seen you in awhile- how have things been lately?
Her: I don't know. OK, I guess. I had to go to a friend's funeral yesterday. That was sad.
Me: Let me guess. Cancer.
Her: Yes. 54 years old.
(I'm 54 years old.)
Her (continuing): It was awful. She was diagnosed 2 months ago- perfectly healthy. Dead, 2 months later.
Me: What kind? Ovarian?
Her: No. Hip.
Me (suddenly queasy): Hip?? I don't know if I should listen to any more of this.
Her: Yes. Hip cancer. She had a pain that came and went and then suddenly it became so bad that she fell on the floor. They sent her to Dana Farber and she found out she had hip cancer. And now, just like that, she's dead. Two months later.
Me (mind racing, trying to breathe calmly): Wow.
I called Dr. Fitzy on the way home- he couldn't see me for 2 weeks. I have been trying to not panic and google things, but it's been hard. Anyway, I went today. I have bursitis. I practically skipped to my car. Got my Aleeve and my ice pack...I think I'll have a great sleep tonight.
2 comments:
Hopefully it's just the bird-flu.
Or actual bursitis. You can never be too sure with Fitzy. Actually I was really happy that my diagnosis wasn't followed by the words " common for women your age." Why do doctors have to say things like that? It doesn't make us feel better.
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